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Hello, hello, hello!!!!
I know it has been awhile since I've blogged. And I promise there is more to come.
There has been a lot of changes (all good) that God wanted me to focus on. One of the biggest changes is that I got married on 7-1-17 to the love of my life, my Man of God, my best friend, and the head of our house!
Please continue to follow, share, and subscribe to my website and social media pages for post, weekly scriptures, and weekly music/videos.
I will be back in full effect starting this September with weekly blogs, HerRelease events, bible studies, Let's Talk conference calls, and whatever else God adds on. Until then, I will sit still and let God have his perfect work done in me (James 1:4).
This morning while reading my devotional & scriptures, the authors was referencing when Eve was talking to the serpent about what God instructed them to eat and not to eat. The authors said her first mistake was talking the serpent and not God.
When God tells us His plan for our lives, He never intended for us to seek false counsel from people that don’t have a relationship with Him and most importantly that He hasn’t placed there to help us reach our purpose & full spiritual potential.
See, Gods word tells us to seek wise counsel in all that we do so we can stay on course. Gods plan was never designed to do it without Him!! He will ALWAYS lead us in the right path as long as you come talk to Him first.
When you are in doubt talk to God! When someone comes to you and try to put doubt & fear in your mind, talk to God! If someone tries to tell you another way to reach your goal talk to God! God will always reconfirmed and reassurance you about the plan He has for you. He may show you through signs & wonders, He make speak to you through a vision, or He may place a Man or Woman of God in your life that will speak life about the plans He has for you!!
When you talk to God He will always order your steps in the way you should go (Proverbs 20:24).
Remember God gave us His word so we would never fail!
So , I just want to remind you and even myself to Seek God first before man because God WILL always instruct & reconfirm!
I will admit I stay on social media quite frequently, however I mostly stay on it so I can stay in the loop about what’s going on with our youth and the world I live in. One day I stumbled across a few post with a random group of friends with the hashtag “SquadGoals.”Well it got me to wondering what are squad goals? So first I went to the worlds version and per Urban Dictionary it is an inspirational term for what you’d like your group of friends to be or accomplish. After I read their definition it made me wonder what does the bible say about “Squad Goals”. As I started to search, I remembered a scripture I heard in church a couple of weeks. It was from the book of Romans 12:14-16 and Gods Word says; “Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” After I re-read the scripture I started to think about what my past and present “Squad Goals” consisted of.
When I was in the world I had all types of friends; some would only come around when it benefitted them, others only showed up when it was time to turn up (or as the millennials would say get LIT), some would only be around during the good times, and a small few where there through it all. As I thought about my past friendships I can honestly say I never really thought about how they would change or if they would stat the same as we grew up, I just wanted them to like me. I was so consumed with picking friends that would always celebrate me I never considered what type of friend they would be when the partying was over and the benefits came to an end. So as I started to change my life, my career, and my relationships my “Squad” changed too. I noticed that our conversations were different, invites to events were sporadic, and the things we had in common where not the same anymore.
I struggled with the fact that my friendships where changing. The more I changed the more distance I felt (some distance from them and some from me). I felt like they didn’t want to be around the woman I was becoming. In my eyes I wasn’t the fun girl or the yes girl that they were use top. I was becoming a business woman, I was furthering my education, and building a relationship with God. I was going to church more and to the clubs & parties less. As I was changing so was my relationships and I started to realize that some people can only celebrate and support you when you are doing what you always do; which is being stagnant.
So once I decided to live a Christian life, being obedient to what His Will was for me, I began to pray that God give me like minded friends. I started to ask God for the kind of friends that would celebrate each other, not flee when one was excelling more than the other, love to talk about the Word of God, and still enjoyed living life. The more I prayed and stayed in relationship with God, He started revising my “SquadGoals.” I began to realize that friendships should never be onside. Friendships are about celebrating each other even if you don’t have something to celebrate, its about crying with your friend even if you are having a bad day, and its even about loving on one another even if they don’t love you back.
So I pose this question;what are your “Squad Goals?” Does your “Squad” change on you when your life and circumstances change? Or are you looking for a “Squad” that will celebrate you, pray for you, and give you a tissue when your sad? Whatever your “Squad Goals” are make sure they line up with the Word of God. Gods Words says we are to love one another like we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39 GNBDC). So I challenge you today to reevaluate your “SquadGoals”. Remember God never intended for us to do life alone (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 GNBDC). We are supposed to be there to pick each other up in the good and the bad.
As a little girls they give us baby dolls to play with. We give them names and we treat them like real babies. As we got older we start watching television shows displaying young woman fantasizing about being a mothers when they grow up. As we get older all the programmed memories of doll babies and tv fantasies of becoming a mother start to become our reality. We start to spend hours daydreaming about getting married and becoming a mother one day. We pick out baby names and decide whether we prefer to have a boy or a girl. We begin to imagine if they will look like us and how much we will love them.
Well that girl use to be me. My whole life all I could imagine was how great a wife and a mother I would be. I even remember being a young girl and hearing in church this particular scripture; Psalms 127:3 NKJV: “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
As I become a woman in the world I started to date and become sexually active. While I was enjoying life without a care in the world I meet a guy. I thought I was so in love. I knew he was the one. After being in what I thought was a monogamous I became pregnant. I was so overjoyed and I told everyone! As the days passed I started to feel changes in my body! I was excited because I knew it was my baby I had fantasizes about all my life. But based on the books it was to early to feel anything. My joy soon turned into fear and my fear turned into pain. My cousin encouraged me to go to the hospital because it didn’t sound normal.
I went to the hospital and the doctors poked, and prodded, ran test, and made me wait while I held onto my stomache asking God not to take my blessing, my great reward. When the doctor came back there were no smiles, no ultrasound picture, and no congratulations. The just told me they had to do surgery to remove the pregnancy because it was in my tubes. Being uneducated about my body I didn’t know what to ask or understand why this was happening. So the week of Mothers Day 1994 they took my baby out my tube, fixed me up, and sent me home.
As the years passed my heart never healed from the lost. I still really didn’t know what went wrong. I found myself questioning whether I would ever be blessed with a child of my own. I asked God was He punishing me. With no response or understanding about what went wrong I just lived with the pain everyday.
As life moved on I did too but I always felt broken when it came to what happened. In the early 2000’s I found myself in a relationship with a man that I cared deeply for. Our relationship was new and we never talked about having a baby or even a definite future. Unplanned and very unexpected I became pregnant. Because of my previous experience I refused to get excited but it was hard not to, I was hoping God was giving me another chance. So to be on the safe side I went to the doctor so they could examine me. They did an ultrasound and didn’t see anything. They did blood work and it confirmed my pregnancy but it wasn’t a vital one. So the doctor dissolved the pregnancy but it was too late because my tube had began to reputure so an emergency surgery was scheduled. When it was all said and done I was left with feeling incomplete as a woman again. Post-surgery I had to do testing and follow with my doctor to see why this happened again. What the testing revealed was that my previous surgery and other factors left a lot of scaring which caused me to have another eptopic pregnancy. This was devastating to me. My Womb was broken!
For years I felt ashamed in Gods eyes, angry, and hopeless. The devastation caused me to believe that I was less of a woman and that a man would never want to marry a woman that couldn’t have children.
Well I would like to say I got married and had a miracle baby and my childhood fantasies came to fruition but it didn’t workout exactly like that. But what did happen was even better!! I found God! I got into relationship with Him and he took my shame away. In My Broken Womb I found healing, I found Jesus. No longer did I feel incomplete. As I learned to focus on His Word and not the Word of man I found comfort and peace. In Psalms 113:9 NLT the word spoke directly to me and said ; “He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD!” I held onto that Word for a long time. It was my promise God made to me. As I trusted in His Word and leaned on it I became whole again.
As I continues prayed for a family one day, God heard me. He sent a Man of God with sons of his own. As our love for one another grew He asked me to marry him. When I accepted his proposal for marriage I finally received my Psalms 113:9 family.
So today I share myTestimony to encourage someone whose Womb feels Broken. Give your brokenness to the Lord. When we try to do life without God it is so much harder. For me, once I gave it all to Him, In My Broken Womb God gave me a new life He gave me His Word!
Broken, lost, used, confused, hurt, and unappreciated was the image I once saw as I stared in the mirror. As I stared at my reflection I asked “why don’t I feel loved?” As I stared at my reflection I asked “why does my life feel so empty?” As I stared at my reflection I said “maybe if I was slimmer, maybe if my hair was longer, maybe if I could hide my flaws I could feel love and fulfilled.” I spend so much of my young adult life trying to find that love and fulfillment it became exhausting at times.
So, in search of thoes missing pieces in my life; I depended on my relationships with my friends and men to give me that love and fulfillment. I found myself trying to fit in because I thought if I did they would appreciate me. Whatever they wanted to do I was down. As long as I was rolling with them doing what they wanted everything was cool. And because I was making them happy it was making me feel like I belonged! I felt loved and appreciated. But just like seasons change so did those friendships and relationships. I found myself back in the same cycle of brokenness, emptiness, and confusion.
I just didn’t get it. I was a nice person to them. Whatever they needed or asked of me I would do. I changed for them, I party with them, I was down for them; I couldn’t understand why they didn’t love me.
After years of going through the ups and downs of feeling inadequate I decided to start going back to church. I figured I’ve tried everything else why not try church. Little did I know that it wasn’t church that would helped me but it was the Word of God.
I found a church that was teaching me the Word of God. I was starting to understand and put things together. I would go every Sunday and even go to Wednesday night bible study. The Pastor wasn’t rebuking us but he was showing us through the Word how to have a relationship with God. As I started to read, understand, and obtain knowledge of the Word I finally realized what was missing. All the broken pieces started to come back together. I was missing a personal relationship with God.
As I got closer to God the feelings I once had of being broken, lost, used, confused, hurt, and unappreciated started to be a thing of the past. God’s Word told me to give all my worries to God (1Peter 5:7) His Word also told me that He would make everything work together for my good as long as I love Him (Roman’s 8:28). People couldn’t do that. I had it all wrong. I was depending on relationships with people to help put together the broken pieces of my life.
I finally got it. I had to submit myself to God’s Will for my life. Trying to do it myself just made me keep going in circles with no end in sight. Once you open your heart to the Word of God everything will be alright. My relationship with God showed me how to love myself and who I was to Him!
You may know someone or you may be that someone that has or is experiencing brokenness like I once did, but if you commit your life to the Lord and trust Him and not the world He will help you (Psalms 37:5). You don’t have to believe me but please believe Him. God is not a man that He will lie (Numbers 23:19) He gave His son Jesus so that we can have healing from brokenness and so much more. If you are broken, give your life to God. He will make you a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
No Longer Broken