Broken

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Broken, lost, used, confused, hurt, and unappreciated was the image I once saw as I stared in the mirror. As I stared at my reflection I asked “why don’t I feel loved?” As I stared at my reflection I asked “why does my life feel so empty?” As I stared at my reflection I said “maybe if I was slimmer, maybe if my hair was longer, maybe if I could hide my flaws I could feel love and fulfilled.” I spend so much of my young adult life trying to find that love and fulfillment it became exhausting at times. 

So, in search of thoes missing pieces in my life; I depended on my relationships with my friends and men to give me that love and fulfillment. I found myself trying to fit in because I thought if I did they would appreciate me. Whatever they wanted to do I was down. As long as I was rolling with them doing what they wanted everything was cool. And because I was making them happy it was making me feel like I belonged! I felt loved and appreciated. But just like seasons change so did those friendships and relationships. I found myself back in the same cycle of brokenness, emptiness, and confusion.

I just didn’t get it. I was a nice person to them. Whatever they needed or asked of me I would do. I changed for them, I party with them, I was down for them; I couldn’t understand why they didn’t love me.

After years of going through the ups and downs of feeling inadequate I decided to start going back to church. I figured I’ve tried everything else why not try church. Little did I know that it wasn’t church that would helped me but it was the Word of God.

I found a church that was teaching me the Word of God. I was starting to understand and put things together. I would go every Sunday and even go to Wednesday night bible study. The Pastor wasn’t rebuking us but he was showing us through the Word how to have a relationship with God. As I started to read, understand, and obtain knowledge of the Word I finally realized what was missing. All the broken pieces started to come back together. I was missing a personal relationship with God.

As I got closer to God the feelings I once had of being broken, lost, used, confused, hurt, and unappreciated started to be a thing of the past. God’s Word told me to give all my worries to God (1Peter 5:7) His Word also told me that He would make everything work together for my good as long as I love Him (Roman’s 8:28). People couldn’t do that. I had it all wrong. I was depending on relationships with people to help put together the broken pieces of my life.

I finally got it. I had to submit myself to God’s Will for my life. Trying to do it myself just made me keep going in circles with no end in sight. Once you open your heart to the Word of God everything will be alright. My relationship with God showed me how to love myself and who I was to Him! 

You may know someone or you may be that someone that has or is experiencing brokenness like I once did, but if you commit your life to the Lord and trust Him and not the world He will help you (Psalms 37:5). You don’t have to believe me but please believe Him. God is not a man that He will lie (Numbers 23:19) He gave His son Jesus so that we can have healing from brokenness and so much more. If you are broken, give your life to God. He will make you a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Yours truly 

No Longer Broken

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